"A Professional Pirate" is a song from "Muppet Treasure Island" that it was sung by Long John Silver and Polly Lobster.


Long John: (singing) When I was just a lad looking for my true vocation

My father said "Now son, this choice deserves deliberation

Though you could be a doctor or perhaps a financier

My boy why not consider a more challenging career"

Pirates: (singing) Hey ho ho

You'll cruise to foreign shores

And you'll keep your mind and body sound

By working out of doors

Long John: (singing) True friendship and adventure are what we can't live without

All: And when you're a professional pirate

Bad Polly: (speaking) That's what the job's about

Long John: (singing) "Upstage, lads, this is my ONLY number!"

Now take Sir Francis Drake, the Spanish all despise him

But to the British he's a hero and they idolize him

It's how you look at buccaneers that makes them bad or good

And I see us as members of a noble brotherhood

Pirates: (singing) Hey ho ho

We're honorable men

And before we lose our tempers we will always count to ten

Long John: (singing) On occasion there may be someone you have to execute

All: (singing) But when you're a professional pirate

Morgan: (speaking) You don't have to wear a suit..... what?

Mad Monty: (singing) I could have been a surgeon

I like taking things apart

Bad Polly: (singing) I could have been a lawyer

But I just had too much heart

Morgan: (singing) I could have been in politics

Cause I've always been a big spender

Black-Eyed Pea: (speaking) And me...I could have been a contender

Long John: (singing) Some say that pirates steal and should be feared and hated

I say we're victims of bad press it's all exaggerated

We'd never stab you in the back, we'd never lie or cheat

We're just about the nicest guys you'd ever want to meet

Long John's speech...

All: (singing) Hey ho ho

It's one for all for one

And we'll share and share alike with you and love you like a son

We're gentlemen of fortune and that's what we're proud to be

And when your a professional pirate

Long John: You'll be honest brave and free

The soul of decency

You'll be loyal and fair and on the square

And most importantly

All: (singing together) When you're a professional pirate

You're always in the best of company